Tuesday, November 17, 2009

no, not this again.

why do i feel the way i feel right now...im good at a lot of things but at this so why go through it, again...is this your way of telling me that the only way to grow is through it...the only way to be better is through the flame...am i not there yet cus i feel like if i had a choice i would remain closed and guarded, protected from the snares of it all...ohhh my heart, why do this to me..i'll only let you down..i'm good at a lot but at this, not this..and not now..as though i feel the same ol' feelin' again but i guess im too afraid to to feel this way..the feeling of flying but i know sooner or later gravity takes over..logic and reason kicks through the door of my dreams and reminds how much it'll hurt to hit the ground again..how will look like then, if i fall, will my heart survive? will i? they say its better to have loved and lost than to not love at all but why? i guess the feeling of what if start to trickle in my confused mind..closed in the confines of my comfort i dare not say it at all but if only i would know the thoughts in your mind, if only a glimpse then maybe an ounce of courage is more than enough to say...but i can't read thoughts i can only read the lips that silently but surely pierce every notion and images in my delusional mind...but please be gentle with your words..and to not cut so deep because all my life i've had to deal with these 'almost' that does not quite make it...so here is my heart and i if ever you decide to give me yours..then i'll gladly have it forever tucked between my arms and chest.

this is out of the blue free write that just sort of came from series of text message with a girl. forgive the randomness and lack of awesome words to describe what i felt in that minute or so..thanks for your patience.

jo.2009

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